2016 Spiritual Goal

January seems to be a time of an almost automatic, subconscious introspection. As Christians, this time of reflection gives us a chance to look inside and see what we can do better to draw ourselves closer to God. In the past, I have used this as a chance to start a new prayer style or add a new routine to my prayer life. Most times, these routines have stuck, such as journaling in the mornings, using devotionals, and adding the Rosary to my nightly prayers. But this year, I tried to take my reflections further, and look for something more personal that I could focus on, develop, or give up staring 2016. But it wasn't until yesterday that I settled on a spiritual goal for this year.

When Josh and I spend the weekend at his parents' home, we do our best to "double dip" and attend both a Catholic mass for me, and then a Sunday service at the Baptist church his family attends and mother works and leads worship at. The pastor was discussing January and the new year's tendency to seek ways for us to improve, and read from Ecclesiastics, and from there he listed some of the signs of leading a spiritual life, including patience, kindness, and gentleness.

And it was gentleness that stuck out to me, which before had sounded like a sign of weakness, suddenly being listed as a virtue. I was reminded of Mary, our Lady, and how we call her a "gentle woman, quiet dove", and the message my family heard on Friday celebrating the solemnity of Mary, and what made her so worthy of our veneration.

I would not consider myself a gentle person. I often speak sharply, I rarely soften my message. I would not describe myself as overly warm or nurturing. I joke about not wanting children. But in reality, I am sensitive and hyper-aware of what people do and say around me. I watch children at family gatherings or at camp carefully, keeping an eye out for trouble or concern. So then why do I present myself so firmly? Why do I assume these qualities are weakness and should be hidden?

But now, that word, that idea of being gentle eases my anxieties about appearing so firm and tough.  So this year, this particular leg of my spiritual journey's goal is to draw closer to our Blessed Mother, and find my own gentleness, and maybe by July the campers and staff are less intimidated by me this year!

Tota tua,

LeAnn