Whatever is...

With the church camp season almost upon us, lists are floating all over my small apartment. Lists of things to pack, purchase, leave behind, goals, and whatever else I can think of in preparation. There is so much that doesn't belong at camp, so what I allow myself to bring can be tricky. Not just longer shorts and extra deodorant, but there are spiritual things that have to come along to.

What am I bringing to camp this year? My prayer journal, my Bible, my Rosary. But more importantly, I am bring my favorite verse to meditate on as the weeks go by. My focus over the next fives will be a verse from Philippians that caught my attention at the end of the camp season last summer. I've carried it quietly in my head ever since then, but I have yet to truly put it into practice.

Last year's camp season was not an easy one. There were physical challenges (tornado, flood, heat, etc.) but there were more difficult emotional challenges. There was a grudge or two, some loneliness, and a fixation on the negative rather than the positives of camp.

Which is where Philippians 4:8 comes in. The goal over the next five weeks is to focus on the good, but more than just the good. The true, the noble, right, pure, lovely... You get the picture. I want to see those things. The excellent, praise-worthy pieces of camp and I want to keep them close as the weeks go by.

But more than that, I want this attitude to extend beyond camp. Somewhere along the way, camp became a sort of spiritual restart button for me. It's that time of year where I really check in and try to understand where I am at in my faith and how I can do better.


Tota tua.

The Paper Posts

A traditional gift celebrating a fiftieth wedding anniversary is gold, which is why a fiftieth is a called a golden year or golden anniversary. Similarly, the first year of marriage's gift is paper, thus "The Paper Posts" will be very marriage (and God) focused over the next year! 

When I'm feeling frustrated with a particular part of my life that I can't control, such as rental-house-hunting, for example, I like to rearrange my furniture. To date, I have rearranged the bedroom six times since moving into the apartment last August. I haven't messed with the living area though, until last night. Heedless of how Josh may feel about it, I practically turned the apartment on its head and then let him just come home to it. He wasn't a fan.

But instead of nay-saying or asking it to be put back, we worked together to come up with a layout we both liked. And I know that Josh would have probably preferred the apartment the way it was, but he understood that I needed this relatively small change in scenery. Throughout all of it, he was actively asking my opinion on the recliner or the desk, making sure that we achieved everything I had set out to do. That was more touching to me than anything else.

He could have been angry with me for rearranging without his permission. I could have taken it personally that he didn't like what I had spent an hour and half arranging carefully. Jesus reminds us in today's Gospel that whoever is angry with his brother will be liable for judgment.(MT 5:20-26). That we have to make the effort to reconcile with those around us before trying to make peace with God. There are times for righteous anger, but furniture is not one of them. It isn't something that belongs between spouses or between children and their God. As a married couple, a literal reflection of God's love, I feel this overwhelming need to make our fights count. To choose them carefully, with intent, so that the disagreement will better us as a couple, rather than cause us to lash out and stay angry, separating both of us from God.

Tota tua.

"1L of a Year," as They Say

In case anyone was curious, not only did I plan a pretty fantastic wedding, but I have officially passed my first year of law school. And man, was it quite the ride. They warned us at the beginning of the year that law school can be transformative, that we would change as the year progressed. 

I have slept, drank, and cried more in the last year than all four years in my undergraduate. I have also developed deeper friendships with the friends I arrived with and learned to make true friends in a competitive environment, something I could not have done a few years ago. I have learned how to think harder and study longer, how to sit still for hours upon hours. And through it all, I have been incredibly thankful for the uphill battle this has been. 

I think the most important thing I have learned in the last year though, is how to laugh at myself. Almost four weeks ago, sitting around a small fire, surround close friends and distance acquaintances, I laughed at myself for a simple, funny mistake about a person's name. And in the midst of my laughter, I marveled at the person I have become. That night, I made new friends, I played yard games and lost miserably without blinking an eye. I mentioned law school rarely, not flaunting my lucky position. 

Law school has humbled me. No longer am I a straight "A" student nor do I feel like the one of the smartest in the room, but this year gave me a better understanding of myself in time for my marriage. I'm more likely to ask for help when I need it and rejoice in the success of others as well as my own. My relationships, my work, my knowledge has grown thanks to the work I put into it, alongside those who loved and supported me along the way. 

Tota tua. 

Still Blogging

Almost a year ago, I decided I was done with this whole blogging thing. Someone had commented and tore apart what I had written, something that I had really believed in. I was mad and done. And (obviously) I got over it because there's more to life than how people respond to what you believe in. There's more to life than what social media has to say about you. And there's more to life than what those around you think of you. At some point, you have to decide who and what truly matters.

And what matters to me is that I love my family. I am beyond amazed by the love and marriage I have just entered. And God, who gave me all of this, matters. Matters more than the perception of my peers, more than the perception of my friends. My life, my family, my marriage, none of it would be possible without God. Which is why Timothy's letter rings so true to me today.

Remind people of these things
and charge them before God to stop disputing about words.
This serves no useful purpose since it harms those who listen.
Be eager to present yourself as acceptable to God,
a workman who causes no disgrace,
imparting the word of truth without deviation. (2 TM 2: 8-15)

I'm not perfect. My words are not perfect and that's not what matters. What matters is when we present ourselves before our God, we have no shame, no disgrace. We imparted the Words of Truth to the best of our ability, and did our best to share the Love we have for our God without any deviation. And that's what matters. That we did our best to share what we truly believe, irregardless of how others react. And as Timothy reminds us earlier in his letter, we were not made to be timid.

Tota tua.

Our Wedding Day

We've now been married all of two days. And right now, curled in our honeymoon suite, I am overwhelmed by the love and support we have been shown. I keep crying over the simplest things. Which is so unlike me; as my friends put it, "I've never seen you cry!" On Saturday night, I thought it was because I was tired. Yesterday. I thought it was because I was still overwhelmed. But today, I realized that it's because I am just that perfectly, incandescently happy.

I'm sure we will be sharing stories about our wedding for months to come, but my favorite will be about my in-laws. Only one thing went wrong on Saturday, our hotel realized they were double-booked and couldn't accommodate us while we were at the reception. I shrugged it off, we would find a place to sleep for the night. I wasn't worried and I had no reason to be. My sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and his fiancé were on it, with a little help from my dad, we had a room within the hour. 

I was raised in an amazing, giving family. A family that I know is a rarity, not everyone has aunts and uncles who attend middle school basketball games for you or brings your flowers at grade school dance recitals. But somehow, God gave me another family that is equally incredible and that dropped everything so that Josh and I had a beautiful place to spend our mini-honeymoon at. 

I didn't particularly want to change my name. I like the name and I love being a Verhoff. But as the engagement led into our wedding, and as the wedding led into the reception, I felt more at peace with the name change. I couldn't be happier to be a Wood and belong to such wonderful families. As Megan put it, "I fell asleep covered in glitter and beer," (we had a great reception), "and woke up with a wonderful sister-in-law." And so did I. Two actually. And two amazing brothers, and parents who will always be there for my husband and I. 

Tota tua. 

LeAnn Wood (!!) 

Wedding Bells

It's the time of year again. June is right around the corner and wedding bells are starting to sing. Which means the holy sacrament of matrimony is on our minds. 

As a Catholic, I was raised with the understanding that marriage is more than just a legal transaction that a pastor presides over. We were also raised understanding that marriage was more than the person that you call your husband in front of God. Marriage was taught as synonymous with the word vocation.

Wedding Vocation Bells

Each person has a vocation, a literal calling, from God. Each person is likely to experience different vocations throughout their lifetime, from single to married, from the priesthood to religious life. And we each have to open our hearts to God and God's Words to find our vocations throughout our life. It isn't a one-time process. Discernment is constant and active; seeking what the Lord needs to tell you about where you are to go and how you are to better serve God.

My discernment and eventually calling to married life was not centered around one person or thing, it wasn't about waiting around for Mr. Right. Similarly, a seminarian's discernment is not the lack of Miss Right. Our vocation is the best path for us, and is not about what others will do for us but about what we will do for others.

Sitting through weddings this summer, I want to encourage you to pray for your vocation and the vocations of those around you. Sure, it's easy for me to say, as the soon-to-be married woman, but my discernment is not over. The vocation of marriage is not complete when Josh and I exchange vows and rings, we will need all the prayers we can get!

Tota tua.

Saturday Special: Camp Graduates

To all of my staffers who graduated high school this May,

I am so excited for you and so proud. You have graduated high school! And with that comes a time that is unlike any other, where for the first time you will soon not have to answer to the adults in your life in the same way you did, where large decisions will fall to you, and you alone, and learning curve is much steeper than you realize. Best of luck graduates, you'll do great.

I do have some advice for you though, about this last summer home before you move. Whether moving across country, state, or staying at home, this summer is a special one. Remember that.

1. A Summer of Adventures
Go have fun this summer, take a trip you've always wanted to take, spend time with friends that you will be separating from come August. This is just the beginning of being able to do things like this, so start small while you're still at home and can have help from parents if you need it.

2. Speaking of Mom and Dad...
Don't alienate them. This is one of my biggest regrets from my late teens. Instead of celebrating adulthood alongside my parents, I pushed them aside. Instead of saying thank you for all they had done, I acted as if I had done it all my own. They will continue to do so much for you as college begins and pushing them aside does no one any good. You will need them when you get into your first accident or have to drop your first class. Just knowing your parents will catch when you will inevitably fall makes all the change ahead seem less scary.

3. Work Hard
The value of the dollar is going to start to mean more to you as you begin to finance more and more of your own life. Boring, I know, but true. Budget, work hard, save up. Take all the handouts you can from family members and send thank you cards. College can be a bit expensive, and in unexpected ways, so plan ahead for that.

4. Get Up and Pray
You are now in charge of your sleep schedule. Make time for Christ. Make time for church. Be the adult who can pull their sleepy self out of bed and go to Mass, because mom isn't going to be giving you the wake up calls anymore.

5. Ask For Help
You are going to need it. At some point. Whether you ask me, your older sister, your RA, or your boss, you aren't alone in this. Just because you are a legal adult does not mean you have to do this alone! Ask for help when you need it.

6. Say Thank You
Remember those thank you cards I mentioned? Send them. There is nothing more polite telling people thank you for what they've done for you. And not just your guests, your friends, your teachers, your parents and grandparents. They helped you take the baby steps that contributed to your last few steps to take your diploma and throw your cap. Thank 'em for it.

7.  New and Old
You are about to start something very new to you, meet new people, and begin a new life of sorts. You don't have to remain the same. This is an opportunity to change and grow. My brother, to our surprise, went Greek his freshman year. Several years later, he told it was because he wanted to be a different person than he was in high school. He wanted an environment that would help him to become more social, that would help stay accountable to his academics, and give him leadership opportunities. This summer is a good chance to ask what you like about yourself, what you are proud of, and what you wouldn't mind changing. Figure out who you want to be a year from now, four years from now, and be open to the new that will make that happen.

Proud of you, graduates. Make the best of the summer.

Tota tua.

Reconciliation 101: The Basics

Why do you Catholic go to Confession anyways? 

Reconciliation, Penance, or Confession is the Catholic sacrament of forgiveness and absolution of sins. It is an experience of God's mercy, that frees us from our sins and also encourages us to forgive and free others for their transgressions against us. Josh's understanding of Reconciliation pre-me was that Catholic could do whatever they wanted, tell the priest, and it was all fine and dandy, we were"forgiven". I think those misconceptions are key to understanding that actual basics of this sacrament.

Firstly, we cannot do whatever we want. Just like any Child of God, we have a duty and an obligation to try and do better. The end of the sacrament concludes with "Go, and sin no more," just as Jesus spoke with those He saved, like the adulterous woman or the blind man. Essentially, you have been forgiven, and do your best to not need to be forgiven again.

Secondly, we don't just go tell a priest. The sacrament of confession is one part therapy and two parts grace. The priest listens, and if he wants, can reach out and counsel the confessor. The priest can encourage them to recognize a pattern in their sins-maybe all of their sins are selfish or maybe all of their sins center around a particular person or environment-trying to help the confessor to do better next time. Oftentimes, our sins are habits, like gossip or lying, that we need practice and help overcoming. And that is the whole purpose of the priest. He is God's representative in that moment, trying to help guide and teach us to do better.

Finally, we are not automatically forgiven. The priest's absolution means nothing without a contrite heart. This is because it is not the priest doing the forgiving, but God. Even if the priest says the words, they aren't magic, they aren't automatic; only a contrite confession will heal the break between God and God's children. You have to be truly sorry for your signs, and you have to really mean your intention to try and do better. The acknowledgement that you screwed up isn't enough, God wants and demands a sincere apology. Remember the Jewish tradition of Sacrifice? They knew that God demanded repentance and they displayed this through sacrifice. Luckily, we don't have to sacrifice anything, just admit what we have done wrong and truly be sorry. Besides, it isn't like we do nothing to show our sorrow and contriteness, we are given a penance by the priest. Anywhere from prayers to baking your mother a pie, in an effort to make amends.


Tota tua,

P.S. Don't remember about the Jewish sacrifice tradition- check this out: http://catholiccompass.blogspot.com/2016/04/but-why-sacrifice.html

Breaking News: A New Bishop

Springfield-Cape Girardeau diocese, let's give a warm, prayerful welcome to our bishop-designate Edward Rice from the archdiocese of St. Louis! 

How do they choose our bishops anyways?

The hierarchy of the Catholic Church can be pretty confusing at times. The hierarchy of the church is relatively straight-forward, pope at the top, with different leadership roles in the Church from there on down. When choosing a bishop, the pope could technically choose any man he wanted. However, the pope tends to follow a procedure including recommendations and the pope sending a representative, the apostolic nuncio to the diocese to better understand what that particular diocese needs. Through this, the pope will make his final decision about who will be in charge. 

Back up, what is an "apostolic nuncio" exactly?

He literally the pope's representative in proceedings to choose a bishop, kind of like the VP to a the Pope's P, and is a sort of gatekeeper. His role is very serious, and treated with a lot of respect. He gathers facts and information about the suggested candidates as well as interprets the information. He will then draft a list of the three best candidates in alphabetical order. This list is called the terna and it is presented to the Congregation of Bishops in-

Wait! What's the Congregation of Bishops? 

It is a department of the Roman Curia (those who help the pope in Rome) which is led by cardinal with the title of "prefect". Presently, Cardinal Mark Ouellet is the prefect. The Curia assists diocesan bishops, oversees doctrine on canon law, and plans conferences and meetings between Rome and priests all over the world. 

So the apostolic nuncio gives the terna to the Congregation of Bishops and...?

And if the prefect approves the terna, they move forward. If they have settled on a bishop being moved or an auxiliary bishop being promoted, they don't need to involve the entire congregation. If not, the entire congregation gathers to hear the report and vote. They can vote in accordance with the apostolic nuncio, they can choose another individual from the terna, or they can call for another one to be prepared, dissatisfied with the options. The individual that they eventually choose is their suggested candidate to the pope, but again, the pope doesn't have to agree and follow their suggestions. 

So now the pope gets to decide?

Exactly, the prefect will go to the pope and present the recommendation of the congregation. The pope will take a few days to make a final decision, The pope will tell the nuncio who he has chosen, and the nuncio will reach out to the selected individual, giving him an opportunity to say yes or no. If he says yes, the Vatican is notified and a date is set for ordination or installation, depending on if he is a new bishop or being moved/promoted. 

Our new bishop was promoted, right?

Right, he was an auxiliary bishop is an additional bishop assigned to help to a diocese because the bishop needs help. His title is still bishop. 

So when does he start? 

June 1st at 2:00 pm, he will be installed at St. Agnes Cathedral. It's a really cool ceremony-you should go and welcome our new bishop!

Be sure to keep him in your prayers as he gets ready for the move and change in life. 

Tota tua. 

Want to know more about our new bishop? According to press reports, he intends to make the youth of the diocese one of his main focuses (yay! camp!) and he's been described as a pastor first, who carries the joy of Christ with him through daily ministry. And he described himself as humbled by this opportunity to serve as our bishop. 

Eucharistic Prayer in Pieces

We've talked about the Eucharist, sacrifice, and all the whys, but what about what we actually say during the Eucharistic Celebration?

There are different variations and parts to the entire Eucharistic celebration, but I thought we could break down the one we say every time, right before actually receiving Christ. Not too long ago, many pieces of the Eucharistic Rite changed, but one in particular has resonated with me, and I think, most of us. 

"Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." 

This prayer comes from the Gospel according to Matthew, chapter 8, when a centurion begs Jesus to heal one of his servants. He tells Jesus that He doesn't need to enter his home, only speak and heal the servant. The centurion admits a deep understanding of authority, not just his own, but also Christ's authority over the servant and himself. This acknowledgement of authority is similar to the woman who believed she need to only touch Jesus's cloak or the mother of James and John, who trusted that Jesus could give the best to her sons in the Kingdom of Heaven.

The centurion is admitting that Christ is the True Authority, and that faith is all that is needed for Christ to heal his servant, but what are we saying when we repeat his words?

Firstly, we are addressing Jesus in the Eucharist when we state "Lord", claiming faith in the True Presence each time before receiving Him. The second phrase is a little less literal. What is our roof? The centurion is talking about his actual home, but when say roof, we mean our physical shells, our human bodies. We are not worthy for Jesus to actually, physically enter us when we receive communion in a few moments. But that's okay, because the second half of that prayer is, again, similar to the centurion's.

We trust that Christ needs to only say the word, and healing will take place. Our trust in Christ as we say this prayer helps us to prepare ourselves for Him, and cleanse our soul. God abhors sin, thus we before we receive God in the form of Christ, we ask for the chance to be made ready, and that were the last little bit comes in. Healed. Just by faith, by trusting in God, our soul is healed and ready to receive Jesus in the Eucharist, cleansing ourselves of any venial sins and prepared for the next week and walk of faith before we return to the altar for our next chance to become better and closer to God.

Tota tua.

But why Sacrifice?

In an effort to better understand the need for the Final Sacrifice of the Perfect Lamb, we need to understand the call for sacrifices prior. And while God no longer calls for a physical offering, there is something to be considered about the worship centered on offering to the Lord. 

Have you ever attempted to read Leviticus for your own personal spiritual journey? It can be one of the most dry, tedious reads-a bunch of rules, to-dos, not-to-dos, handed down to the Israelite people that we don't even follow anymore, so why is it important to have in our Bible? Leviticus teaches us plenty about our God. Firstly, it is a reminder that this God that we worship is not just our God or our Bible. This it truly the God of Jacob, Isaac, and of today's Jewish descendants. Leviticus taught the young nation of Israel how their God wanted to be worshiped and solidified God's desire for sacrifices as atonement and promises to do better.

Sacrifice is not new to Leviticus. Even Cain and Abel prepared offerings to the Lord as the children of Adam and Eve. Jacob was prepared to offer Isaac. Leviticus provided specific instruction as to what could or should be sacrificed to God.

 “Now this is what you shall offer upon the altar: two lambs a year old day by day continually. One lamb you shall offer in the morning, and the other lamb you shall offer in the evening..." Exodus 29:38-42. 

Lambs, goats, birds, and even grain was all acceptable to God as a sacrifice in atonement of sin or celebration of the Lord.  But why sacrifice? What did it mean or provide to God and God's people?

God did not "need" the blood of His own creations nor did God need the grain of His people. But sacrifice is more than just what is being offered, the sacrifice offered a strong symbolism of dying for his or her own sins through the animal, recognizing that their sins deserved death. Sacrifice also acknowledged the sovereignty of God over all creation and made a gift of the people's very selves. By giving up the perfect lamb of their flock or the first fruits of their cultivated earth, it was an ultimate labor of love that was being given to the Lord.

The sacrifices that were given to God then help us to better understand what to offer to God now. The
Final Sacrifice, the last blood that God has asked for from us was given by God's own Son, a perfect and living sacrifice. And while that does eliminate a need for sacrifice to atone for our sins and humanity, that does not completely eliminate the need for sacrifice in our worship. We recall the ultimate sacrifice with praise and thanksgiving each Sunday in the Eucharist (translated to Greek to Hebrew, meaning thanksgiving), thus sacrifice remains an integral part of our worship of God.

While God doesn't still ask for a lamb from us or the first part of our harvest, God still wishes for us to make sacrifices, to recognize that our sin is detestable, to see God as sovereign, and to give God our very selves. This is where the idea of Lenten abstention shows up most often, but Lent is not the only season we can make sacrifices for our faith. Try to reflect on your life and ask God what you can give to help better feel God's love and sovereign nature over us.

Tota tua.

The Eucharist 102: Miracles

   

I mentioned in yesterday's blog post that transubstantiation can be difficult to wrap our heads around, and that the entire concept is one of the great mysteries of the Church. And it is, the spiritual transformation of something is a little hard to wrap our very human minds around, and that's okay. The whole point of the Eucharist was to give us outward signs of an inner workings; physically receiving Jesus helps us better understand how He nourishes us each week.

But God has provided us other outward signs about this incredible gift. These miracles often happened when someone, usually the priest, struggled with believing in the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist. For over 250 years in Italy, consecrated hosts have been perfectly preserved. Scientists have studied them and have yet to understand why the consecrated hosts have not rotted yet. In Bolsena-Orvieta, Italy, a priest doubting the true presence was convinced when real blood began to seep out of the bread immediately after consecrating. Pope Urban IV commissioned the feast day of Corpus Christi in honor of this miracle. Other Eucharistic miracles include saints or blessed indiciduals who survived on the Eucharist alone, including St. Catherine of Genoa, St. Catherine of Sienna, and most famously, Blessed Alexandra da Costa of Egypt, who died in 1955.

Miracles are not uncommon in the Church, but they are severely scrutinized before they are declared miracles in the first place. The Church has its own process and group of people responsible for investigating and understanding any and all other explanations before they reach the conclusion, that this was indeed a miracle.

Most importantly, what can be drawn from this is that Eucharist (and other sacraments) are physical representations of God's love and mercy on earth, outward signs of God's grace to help us better understand and believe in God, His Son, the Spirit, and the Church.

Tota tua.

The Eucharist 101

The Church is in one of my favorite liturgical seasons right now. As season of hope and new, of celebration, and on our cute kiddos. It's First Communion season, a unique practice to only us and few other denominations. I can't think of better time to explain the Eucharist then now, as we get to see it through young, excited eyes.

Starting with the basics, the Mass is divided into two parts: the Liturgy of the Word, when we read the Bible and the Liturgy of the Eucharist, which begins with the priest prepared the altar for the bread and wine before the gifts are brought to him. The Eucharist is most commonly recognized as a remembrance of Christ's sacrifice of Himself for us. This is why prayers throughout this part of the Mass are familiar, you've heard them before from the Gospels! Most faiths stop here with their Eucharistic celebrations; they "do this memory of me" and break bread together, but the Catholic Church believes more is going on than an act of remembrance. 

When Jesus died for our sins, He was the final sacrifice. Before this, the Jewish religious community atoned for their sins through animal sacrifice, offering unblemished lambs, goats, and even turtledoves. The idea was relatively simple, God wanted more from us than physical sacrifices, He wanted us to join Him in heaven, which is where Jesus stepped in. Jesus (God's ONLY son) came to Earth, lived a fully mortal life, which was ended when He died on the Cross, as a completely willing and unblemished sacrifice. As the Son of God, Jesus had never sinned, He lived only to do His Father's will, which made Him the perfect and final sacrifice. 

This perfect and final sacrifice gave us clear instructions at the Last Supper, "This is Body". "This is my Blood", holding bread and wine. This, paired with His commands that we must eat the "Living Bread" to have eternal life shows us that the Bread and Wine we consume is not just bread and wine, but this is actually, spiritually Jesus Himself (JN 6:44-51). When the bread and wine is presented to the priest, it's just that, bread and wine. But at a critical moment in the Mass, when servers traditionally ring the bells, during the Eucharistic prayer when the priest repeats Christ's words that I mentioned earlier. "This is My Body, given up for you"

 ***bells ringing***

That mystical, holy moment is known as "transubstantiation". It literally means the change the bread and wine experience to the spiritual forms of Christ's Body and Blood. This is one of the greatest Mysteries of the Church, and something we choose to believe, although there's all kinds of proof if you look hard enough. It may look like bread and wine, it may taste like bread and wine, but spiritually, those two simple things have become Christ incarnate. 

Which is why we wait until an "age of reason" to receive our first communions. And why there this such a specific cleaning ritual for the chalice and pall, Jesus was literally there. Literally. And I can totally hear you not buying it, I know it sounds bizarre. But let's be clear hear, the God who flooded the entire Earth, and saved only Noah and his family, the God that empowered Moses to split the Red Sea, the God who spoke to Isaiah, Elijah, Elisha, and John the Baptist, who through His Son, was resurrected on the third day, and you're choosing to find this one a little strange? 

If God can do all that, then why can't His spiritual substance join us in the Mass? Why can't He nourish us with His very Self? 

Tota tua. 

P.S. Want that proof I mentioned? Check back Friday, I'm writing a follow-up with some saintly examples! 

Sharing the Joy

A while back, I mentioned how evangelizing is one of the things that I really am bad at outside of writing this blog. I feel uncomfortable putting my beliefs out there, as if everyone needs to believe what I believe. I get frustrated when others do it to me, when they catch me off-guard in my home or at school wanting to talk. And I need to just get over it, because this is something I have been called to do as a child of God. I am supposed to tell people about wonderful God is, how good God is, and how blessed we all are to have such a loving God.

While providing a reference for someone last evening, I was overcome by the interviewer's very casual conversation about God. Sure, he knew that I ran a church camp, making me fair game for any kind of religious conversation, but his faith and testimony to it was as tangible as seeing him leading worship in a church-setting. This man was evangelizing in a way I wish I could, so naturally that it was just part of our conversations about his potential employee, our camps, and how he is a full-time camp director (jealous!!).

In the book of Acts, we see the joy that can come from evangelizing, as the Apostles are brought before the Sanhedrin despite warnings that they needed to stop teaching about Christ in Jerusalem. And instead of stopping or going elsewhere, the Apostles rejoiced that they were worthy of enough to be suffer in their Lord's name. (Acts 5 27:32) Can you imagine rejoicing because you've been arrested for talking about God? Probably not.

I think the more important thing here is how much they wanted to share about God and God's Son. That this was something they truly wanted to do, and did. Regardless of how people felt about it, or how they felt about it, they were answering God's call to share with their peers, to evangelize despite what they had been told by others in positions of power. And this doesn't have to be aggressive or rude, it can be as simple as a phone conversation mid-interview.

God is good all the time, but how would people know if we don't share that with them? This isn't about being #blessed on Instagram or Facebook. It's about authentic conversations that give God credit when God moves in your life, like finding you a job that allows you to law and camp this summer. Or that as the wedding draws closer, more and more offers to help keep coming up, just in time to save you frustration and struggle. And we should share that in our day-top-day lives.

Tota tua.

7 Habits of a Moderately Successful 20-somethings in Law School

Since getting back to KC after a spring break filled with wedding planning, the realization that finals are approximately four weeks away, that camp staffing is almost due, and that my wedding in almost fifty days lit a fire under my ass. I have this enormous sense of urgency and purpose, to accomplish what needs to be done in a timely manner, because as finals loom closer, the more tunnel-visioned I know I will become. 

I'm a busy person, we all tend to be. Juggling work, children, school, family, significant others, and whatever else we take onto our plate. It can be a lot. But there are certain habits that can help make each day-by-day a little easier. 

Seven habits of a moderately successfully 20-somethings in law school 

1.) I drink as much coffee as I think I need. It's an addiction, and I know it. But I also know that after 2 pm, it's time to switch to a nice green or herbal tea. Caffeine too late in the day makes sleep harder to come by that night, a vicious cycle that can really interfere with your success if it goes too far. 

2.) I listen to a Christian radio station in the mornings. Admittedly, I don't listen to K-LOVE all the time, I do quite a bit. In the mornings, the music tends to complete my morning prayer routine and help put me in a better mood for the upcoming day. The positive music is uplifting, and helps to start the day off better than other genres or silence. 

3.) Maintain my planner/to-do lists. While some weeks I do better than others about filling it in, my planner helps to keep it all straight. What's do, who to see, how much to bring, and what should I be doing right now? I don't adhere to it strictly, I can adjust my plans as needed for my day, but a general rule of thumb is that I do not turn on my TV until I've accomplished what I wanted for the day. 

4.) Speaking of accomplishing, I make myself accomplish at least three things on the less busy days. I started this in my undergrad, between my sophomore and junior years, living at my parents' house. I made myself accomplish three things each day, such as doing the laundry, taking a walk, and picking up an extra game at the ball fields. This way, I avoid falling into a rut of feeling unsuccessful - I am doing things, even if they feel small or insignificant. 

5.) I tell my people that I love them. Josh and I probably seem to say it excessively. I always say it to my parents when getting off of the phone. It's how I start my prayer journal most mornings, by telling God, "I love you". It's cheesy, it's said too much, but I think it is important and wonderful to hear and say. To know that you are valued and necessary to someone's daily life. 

6.) I leave my phone on silent. Which seems to irritate people when I lose my phone and "calling it" is not an option, but the constant beeping, buzzing, dinging, and ringing is distracting. It pulls away from the face-to-face interactions of daily life. I know I'm bad about my phone, but when it's on silent, I can put it out of sight and really ignore it. 

7.) I don't try to be something I am not. I am what God created me to be, blissfully imperfect. I don't try to be a person I am not, I don't pretend to be overly fashion-minded or hyper-focused on other people. I learned early on that I have no interest in being socially busy or academically perfect, and I am happy with that who I am. It is easiest for me to be happy and successful in my own niche if I am not faking in one I have no place in. 

Tota tua. 

It'll All Come Together

My spring break started and ended with weddings. My mom and sisters hosted a bridal shower for me last Saturday and yesterday, the wedding season officially began with my friend, Cearrah's wedding.
I never thought the day would come when I felt more organized than Cearrah. I definitely never thought the day would come where I was the one helping Cearrah. Our friendship was built on Cearrah's caring for me during a rough patch my freshman year of college. Since then, we have been equals in our love of Harry Potter and books in general, with a friendship deeply rooted in fandoms, faith, and family.

Cearrah's wedding was firstly, and most importantly, a celebration of her and Tyler's vows and promises of forever. We celebrated their union. But it was not the most organized, nitpicked wedding I have ever been a part of. It was actually very scattered. And all Cearrah could say reassuringly was, "it will all come together".

"Do you have a plan for the tables?" her mom would ask. "No, but it'll come together once we're there." she would respond with an easy smile. "What about centerpieces? Do you have any particular ideas?" I ask, holding teapots and tulips in both hands. "Whatever you want to do, it'll come together." But right at one o'clock, as we settled in our seats so that Cearrah could walk to the front of the room, it had all come together. The cake and cupcakes looked great, the board games made great "centerpieces", and the guests were raving about the decorations. Because it had all come together.

I keep hearing how stressful weddings are. How busy that day is. How little time you actually get with the groom. I hear advice about delegating, about telling people exactly what I want. I spent five days of my spring break working my way through a lengthy list of wedding to-do's. I snapped at my fiance, who was just trying to help, and ranted to my maid of honor about how all I had wanted was a hot dog buffet line when we first got started. Saturday and Sunday with Cearrah really put me in my place. It'll all come together. It doesn't have to be perfect, because when it's all said and done, I get to say "I do" to Josh. Whether I have cloth or plastic tablecloths, at the end of the day, I'll be married to my best friend. Maybe I'm "more organized" than Cearrah, but she's doing it right, she's letting it come together and not stressing out about the details.

To all my brides out there, it'll all come together. We don't need to pull our hair out, we don't need to get upset. Do what you need to do to feel good about it, but don't lose sleep over the things you can't control. Order extra tablecloths if that makes you feel better. Make your centerpieces in advance. But remember, it'll all come together.

Tota tua.

Dear Camp Volunteer

Dear Camp Volunteer,

You recently sent your application in, and you're eagerly anticipating the your placement letters that will come out in early May. Never mind that this is over a month away, you're probably already checking your mailboxes with enthusiasm. Thank you so much for your eagerness and joy to volunteer at a summer camp. You are going to be such a fantastic addition to the teams that the director is slowly piecing together right about now. She may even be taking a break to write you this letter. I am so overwhelmed and humbled by how far our camp has come in the last two years, and I just wanted to take a moment and tell you all thank you.

1.) Thank you for volunteering eagerly. I, rather snottily, asked for you turn in applications on time this year, making it very clear I was not going to tolerate tardiness and you rose above and beyond. Whether it was because you were just excited to apply or because you truly listen to me, I am thankful that you did this, making my job a little bit easier.

2.) Thank you for being open to change. Not a week goes by that I don't have some kind of idea to mix things up. You've learned that I fear stagnation, and that I love to mix things up, and you've been open to everything I have tossed in your courts. Not only that, but you have been open with me about how feel about these things. Thank you! I listen to your opinions and truly take them into account each time I consider making some kind of large change. None of these would be successful without your genuine enthusiasm to try these ideas out.

3.) Thank you for your joy! Your applications seem to drip with the joy and excitement for the upcoming summer. Playful notes, sincere offers to do whatever is needed, and dreams about where you may be placed make reading them that much more fun. What could be a tedious office job is no more, because of how happily you filled out those applications. You make me excited to work with you this summer-your camp spirit is infectious.

4.) Thank you for your honesty. You tell me what you really think about the jobs being offered to you. It's okay that you don't want to work kitchen staff again! You did it last year, and we were thankful for you hard work, and besides that, I want you in a job you will love. Thank you for telling me that you cannot work two sessions or that last year was your last. I wish you all the best, and we will keep you in our prayers for years to come.

5.) Thank you for your faith, the faith that you are ready to share with campers this summer. Thank you for being willing to put yourselves out there and discuss the beauty of your faith, your personal relationship with God, and your own unique of getting to know God, the Son, and the Spirit, so that your campers can follow in your faith-on-fire footsteps.

6.) Thank you for trusting me with your most precious place, your home-away-from-home, and your safe place. The place where you can be beautifully and uniquely yourselves. The place where you are unafraid to feel all of the feels, participate in all of the things, and share yourselves with each other and me. Thank you for trusting me, despite my lack of constant warmth, my sarcasm, and the fact that sometimes I scare you.

7.) Thank you for all you give me. I would not be who I am, what I am today if was not for all you have taught me in the last two years as director, and the years before that as a fellow volunteer. You make me feel so brave and strong, so empowered, and so capable. Your faith in me helps me to do what I could never do. You truly bring out the best in me.

I hope you're getting excited for the summer, and I promise, those letters will come sooner than you think.

Tota tua.

Sunday Special: Happy Easter

Easter Vigil is one of the longest masses at the Catholic Church. Originally lasting all night, literally a vigil for Easter Sunday, it now ranges between three and seven readings from the Old Testament, an epistle, Gospel, baptisms, confirmations, and first communions of those joining the church. Starting outside in the dark, and ending some two and half hours later, it is no small undertaking. And it's hard to focus on.

"Consequently, you too must think of yourselves as being dead to sin and living for God in Christ Jesus"
Rom. 6:3-11

I have attended many Easter Vigil masses with my family, but there was something special about this one. And that quote from Romans really stayed with me, and I kept reading it over and over, trying to commit it to memory. And throughout the rest of the mass, as people receivered various sacraments of initiation, I felt those words close to my heart.

In baptism, we die and are born again, in our Lord's light and love, washed clean of original sin. When confirmed, we are blessed with the grace to consciously turn towards Christ each and every day. And the living bread and wine of Holy Communion sustains us like no mortal food or drink ever could, helping us through our day-to-day struggles, so that we can live in and for the Lord.

It's hard to see the joy in every day events or in sacraments we were raised into. The church I have been a part of my whole life can seem stuffy and boring at times. As I mentioned earlier this month, my prayer life seems to lack joy during its day-to-day routines. But there is joy and beauty in the simple things. We must be dead to sin and alive in Christ; we must push past the dangerous monotony that temptsus to sleep in instead of wake up and pray

The Easter season is for joy and celebration in the church, a sort of new year, an opportunity for a fresh start, resolutions, and to find joy in this littugical season, and the ordinary times to follow.

Tota tua.

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Joyful Prayers at Camp But Not at Home

 As Lent has gone on, I've considered and evaluated my prayer - essentially checking to see if I was praying "enough". Here, we've arrived at Holy Week, and I've come to the conclusion that my prayer life is to somber. Here. On the holiest of weeks, and I am concerned that I pray too seriously.

There are five types of prayer, adoration, expiation, love, petition, and thanksgiving.

And I petition frequently, asking for help, blessings, or protection for myself or another.
I'm pretty thankful, I make lists of things I'm thankful for at the end of each prayer-journal. But I find myself not adoring and not loving the Lord that way God deserves. I'm not joyful, I don't glorify, I don't look around and just feel overwhelmed by God. I don't pray with love and adoration on a day-to-day basis during the off-camp season. But at camp I find myself praying in a more adoring, loving way. Probably because I'm less surrounded by worldly things or concerns.

My prayer life at camp is more joyful. I journal in the early mornings, attend Mass, sing joyfully, and pray the rosary as I fall asleep, because camp puts me so at ease in my spiritual life that my prayers aren't because I need to pray, but because I want to. And that's the joy that I miss in my daily prayers out here.

The Lenten season is a time to reflect and pray, and to see what we can do better as Christians. What can I do better? I can find my joy.

Tota Tua,

LeAnn

P.S. Confused about the upcoming week and what's expected of you? Check out my Holy Week guides. 

God-Given

Written in honor of International Women's Day and Women's History Month. 

The first time I was told that I had "leadership skills" was in high school, when I tried out to be a section leader in the marching band. I was shaking, quaking bundle of nerves the entire day leading up to the try outs, practicing calling commands for weeks, suddenly uncertain of my ability to do a drill-down, let alone call one. After results were posted, my band director smiled and complimented me for trying out, saying that I had "true leadership skills" while mentioning things I would also have to work on, as any good teacher would do.

 I was over the moon - I wasn't just bossy anymore, I was a leader. The past five years, of being painfully conscious of the amount of space my personality seemed to occupy, the volume that I naturally spoke with. and the shit that I did not want to put up with, all suddenly seemed so worth it, just to be called a leader by a role model. I had consoled myself over those past five years, hiding behind books about big, strong women who were leaders, making friends with other kids (and parents) who didn't seem to mind that I liked to make my own decisions. I fought to fit in, literally fighting with my hair to tame into some semblance of "stick straight". Black nail polish and heavy eyeliner seemed to excuse my behavior in some ways, but I was never quite what I wanted to be. I wasn't quite popular enough to have the voice or opinions that I did, and although being popular was not the goal. I envied the others in high school who took on leadership positions, boys and girls. I badly wanted to be a leader like others in the school, but I could not reconcile with my eleven-year-old-self who had been bullied for being "so bossy" and so instead I was surly, sassy, and angry. I was blatantly disrespectful, and consoled myself by repeating over and over that "well-behaved women rarely make history".

Although band helped, my self-identity as a potential leader and as a strong woman did not truly start to form until this approximate week five years ago, at the Diocesan Youth Conference in West Plains, MO. I was chosen as president of my youth group to help plan the conference for 2011, and although I did not do nearly as much as my youth leaders did, I did a lot. And I knew it. And I was proud of it. And it was kneeling there, during Adoration, next to two adults who made me feel like an equal, rather than as a child. My peers were caught up in a very emotional moment with God, but I felt at peace. I was overcome by this powerful sense that God was proud of me, for the work that I had done, and for the kind, macro-managing, trusting leader that I had been the past few months.

I still count to ten before raising my hand in classes, for fear of being a know-it-all. I still feel bossy
at times, and at times, I am. But that moment I shared five years ago was invaluable. I would not have served as president of an organization or been able to lead my own lecture without it. I would have been unable to "court" Josh into eventually dating (and soon, marrying!) me. I definitely wouldn't have applied to law school or became the director at Camp Re-NEW-All.

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit;
there are different forms of service but the same Lord;
there are different workings but the same God who produces all of them in everyone.

Little girls who are ridiculed for being bossy may never grow into their potential. I thank the Lord every day for the experience and blessing God gave me five years ago.

Tota tua,

LeAnn