In case anyone was curious, not only did I plan a pretty fantastic wedding, but I have officially passed my first year of law school. And man, was it quite the ride. They warned us at the beginning of the year that law school can be transformative, that we would change as the year progressed.
I have slept, drank, and cried more in the last year than all four years in my undergraduate. I have also developed deeper friendships with the friends I arrived with and learned to make true friends in a competitive environment, something I could not have done a few years ago. I have learned how to think harder and study longer, how to sit still for hours upon hours. And through it all, I have been incredibly thankful for the uphill battle this has been.
I think the most important thing I have learned in the last year though, is how to laugh at myself. Almost four weeks ago, sitting around a small fire, surround close friends and distance acquaintances, I laughed at myself for a simple, funny mistake about a person's name. And in the midst of my laughter, I marveled at the person I have become. That night, I made new friends, I played yard games and lost miserably without blinking an eye. I mentioned law school rarely, not flaunting my lucky position.
Law school has humbled me. No longer am I a straight "A" student nor do I feel like the one of the smartest in the room, but this year gave me a better understanding of myself in time for my marriage. I'm more likely to ask for help when I need it and rejoice in the success of others as well as my own. My relationships, my work, my knowledge has grown thanks to the work I put into it, alongside those who loved and supported me along the way.
Sometimes we just need to give thanks for the people in our lives, for those who have been around for years and stuck by us in the good times and bad, you did the same for them. True friendship, the deep friendship that changes as the two of you change is a lasting one. My high school years weren't the best (whose are?), but I truly struggled in the friend-department, the people I considered my friends were not true friends, the person who I could have been the closest to I pushed away because of petty differences. I was entirely tunnel-visioned on what I needed as a friend, and not what my friends needed from me. But in college, like for most people, friendship became a choice rather than a demand. Instead of being trapped with the same people, you could truly choose your friends wisely. Which is what led me to the friendships I have today.
I mentioned on Saturday that I was having difficulties within the law school to find a lot of people who I felt connected to, who understood and respected me, but honestly, I'm not too terribly worried about it after some reflection, because for the first time, I live in the same city as two out of my three closest friends (besides Josh of course!). And these ladies I would do anything for, and have taught me so much about life and friendship.
My "sister", Cearrah taught me early on the friendship does not requires constant communication or an identical set of values, although similar is nice. We met freshman year and grew together, the Cearrah I met five years ago is not the Cearrah today, and I love her for it. As I emboldened her, she evened me out. A dangerously introverted pair, who can sit on the couch and do nothing with great pleasure. Cearrah was the first friend who understood the introversion that I was learning about, and without her, I would not have survived freshman year.
Myka, my bestie, we grew up ten minutes apart from one another, dated the same boy in high school, and somehow did not meet until college and even then, did not become close until sophomore year, when I was single actively seeking applications for second female best friend. She is so driven and focused, and those two qualities made me feel better about my own drive and focus. We held an internship together, planned one and now two weddings together, and have held each other up when things seemed impossibly big.
My wifey, my sweet Sharon who is my camp friend from many years gone by. As reform directors who finished each other's sentences after the first day to now, finally living in the same city- only ten minutes from one another too! Sharon saw me through so many dark spots, and she was such a light to me, her faith is the most beautiful thing about her, although she's not too hard on the eyes either. Sharon inspired me to live my faith more fully and deeply, she encouraged me to go for the camp director's position, and has given me her faith and support more times than I count.
You're probably rolling your eyes by now at this post, "we get it, you have good friends..." but wait there's a message here. All three of these women respect me for me, they cheer me on, and love me even when I don't. Surrounding yourself with people you admire and want to be like is a real thing- those three helped shape me in more ways than I even know. They are all blessings, and I wouldn't want to confront this world without them. Sisterhood is a very real relationship, and a necessary one to survive the burdens of life. Consider Ruth and Naomi, and how Ruth committed to her when she needed her, and how Naomi loved and protected Ruth because of this. There sisterhood and faith is what blessed them and allowed them to survive despite everything they were confronted with. Build yourself a community of sisterhood, to help support you in your faith and in your trials. There is more to friendship than hanging out, there is a real reason humanity is not meant to be solitary at all times.
So here is my challenge for all of you, make a list of your sisters, your best friends, your wifeys, and tell them thank you. And after that read the book of Ruth (it's short, don't worry), and consider what you can take away from this in regards to love, friendships, and commitments to those friendships. Those wonderful women were put in your life for a reason, what is it? What can you learn from them?
Tota tua,
LeAnn
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Homework is done, my guests are napping, house is clean and ready for autumn. What a gorgeous Saturday! The whole apartment is so peaceful that I just had to share, because Saturdays like this seem to becoming more and more rare the older I get. Weekdays are such a madhouse, trying to get everything school-related done at school so that I can come home have three to four hours for myself and Lily, which includes walks, working out, making dinner, keeping up on chores, and any school work that was not finished in the hours of roughly 8:00 to 4:00, which makes weekends so precious, and Saturdays like this so joyful.
I have cooked, cleaned, study, shopped at the farmer's market, organized, and relaxed, all at my own pace and smiling while I did it. My sister, Ginna, teased me several times, calling me an old lady, and I can't help but smile at that. I feel so adult and I love it. It's been an interesting (frustrating) internal struggle these last few weeks, trying to figure out exactly where I am at in regards to new friends, new culture, and what I want for myself.
I love the solitude of living alone. I like that it is my apartment, my messes and my responsibility. And I fully intend to capitalize on this solitude by forming healthy habits before the rest of my life is spent with another person. In an effort to "fit in" at school, I've pushed aside some of those goals a time or two, and it has frustrated me to no end. I've called my mom too many times expressing my frustration and embarrassment about trying to find what "works for me" in this new environment.
The bar scene is not my thing, I've tried and I do enjoy the occasional house party, but it's not for me, and I'm okay with that. As much as I enjoy lunch's social hour, I would much rather get everything done on campus than lug heavy books home for more work that night. I truly like the people I have met so far, but their ideas of fun and mine are a little different, and I was uncomfortable admitting that. I felt like I had landed in a group that didn't understand my poor extroverted-introvert, who needs time for herself.
And then Thursday morning, a new month began and my morning radio threw this in my face...
This song was joyfully, soulfully sung all summer at camp. And I'm not one to get emotional about a song but this one hit me right in the feels.
I don't need weekend friends to "party" with,I don't need to constantly feel included, I don't need the temptation that comes from that. I kept finding myself wishing I had considered a different law school or perhaps stayed in Pittsburg with Josh to get my Masters and then come up here with him, but I chose this school at this time for a reason, and even though I don't know what it is exactly, it is there.
All I need is the Lord, and I need to let my soul and song rise to the Lord even when I don't know what to do with myself. Trust. Probably the one thing I struggle most with in my faith, trusting that it will all work out, trusting that there is purpose and reason behind each step.
So yeah, I'm not drinking beer and playing softball (with a lot of the law students). I'm comfy-cozy in bed, excited to jam to the Plain White T's tonight with my sister, and later, cheer on my camp-son at his soccer games. But I am also just so joyful and blessed to be drinking tea, and feeling content in this moment. Not wishing to be included elsewhere or regretting choices or wanting to make other plans. Joy; Right here, right now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen, eating way too much food, killing time until I celebrate the holidays with my friends by, again, eating way too much food.
There's only one thing between me and successfully completing by fifth semester at Pitt State and that is my final in British Literature tomorrow. I feel prepared, but weirder things have happened. Such as playing my last jury ever today! Which was such a good feeling to be done with that part of my life. Music is great and all, but it is not something I want a career in.
Although I am a day early, I'm ready to celebrate a successful semester! Classes are wrapping up and I have so much to look forward to over the winter break, and next semester. I just wanted to tell everyone thank you for a such a blessed and memory-filled semester. You all know who you are, and how much I love you.
Enjoy the snow, enjoy the holidays, and be ready to light that third candle this Sunday.
Sometimes, when I become really exhausted and worn down, I become very negative. And by sometimes, I mean every time. I'm tired, grumpy, sensitive, and oftentimes hungry when I reach this point and there are very few things that can pull me out of a funk like this.
But I do have a few tips and tricks for surviving those mid semester blues.
Work out
It's a great way to destress, turn your brain off, and relax.
Read
Sometimes a good book is all it takes to help our brains lose track of everything we have looming over us.
TV/Movie/Video Games
I am not a gamer, but I appreciate Grey's Anatomy, Pretty Little Liars, and How I Met Your Mother like any typical female college student
Friends
Coffee with Myka, gossiping with Sheilah, horsing around with Josh. They all help to take some stress off my sore shoulders
Be thankful
Instead of dwelling on what sucks, dwell on what's so great in your life right now.
Without further ado, I present you with five things I am so thankful for right now at this very moment.
The internship I received today
My goofy-goober boyfriend, Josh who is pretending to not read this.
My Pittsburg Home shared with a cat, a dog, and two crazy ladies
My immediate family, who I get to see tomorrow!
ChapStick. I have a problem...
And with that, I encourage you to list five things you are thankful for tonight. After all, there's so much more good than bad in the world, as long as we look for it.
This last week...
Oh buddy. This last week has just been the pinnacle of my semester. Not to be a "Debbie-Downer", but oh goodness, it's been a grueling past couple of weeks and this one just really stuck it to me.
Temptations were flying at me Friday night; the standard broke college kid fare of cheap alcohol and thrill of not being responsible for your poor decision-making the next morning. But at the beginning of the semester, I signed a contract with parents that agreed to not partaking in drugs or alcohol illegally; so instead of getting hammered, I hightailed it home.
I'm lucky that I go to school only an hour and fifteen minutes from home; because as much as I would like it to be, Pittsburg KS is not my home. The moment I turned on highway 37, I could feel so much tension fall off my body. I could catch my favorite radio station, I knew these roads like the back of my hand. There is a high amount of security in the area that you grew up in; and it was exactly what I needed.
Home was exactly what I needed to help me find what I had lost over the last few weeks; my perspective. Perspective on what really matters; on my goals and my decisions.
That when it's all said and done, am I really going to remember the idiot who lied to me? Is he worth letting my grades and other, more important personal relationships take a hit?
Absolutely not.
Because when it's all said and done, this is not my end goal. I don't want to get married within the next two years, I definitely don't want to stay here indefinitely. What needs to matter most is my future, my goals and plans, and how I'm going to get there. I don't need a boyfriend; I need friends and family. I don't need drama; I need to be able to focus.
By Sunday afternoon, at 3:30, I had pulled the sense of peace and security that I found at home into my heart and head, and I was ready to head back to Pittsburg. And although PSU campus is not my home, McCray Hall, my friends, Twin, future is here, and that's enough perspective for me to be incredibly thankful for all I have.
So let me tell you; this next week is going to be much better.
Adios cinnamon toast! Or in this case, 2012.
I thought I'd try something with my last post of 2012, just for fun. Instead of throwing a bunch of words at all my lucky readers, I thought I'd give you all a lot to look at instead, and with that, give you all of my highlights of 2012!
Nothing really happened in the winter of 2012, but Memorial Day Weekend, my family visited St. Louis, and got to see my boy Yadi hit his first grand slam of the season.
For Mother's Day, I borrowed my aunt's amazing camera, and took my siblings out to a beautiful local park called Jolly Mill. We took a bunch of shots, to fill a large frame of nice pictures of her kids. We had a great time taking pictures and playing that day.
Trips to my grandparent's lake house on Table Rock lake are always a blast. The house is built on top of a hill, and at the bottom is the lake. I don't have very good cell service or internet down there, which makes it the perfect get away.
Camp Re-New-All, my favorite place in the world, it's what keeps me going year after year. This place and these people are more important to many than most people know. It is always on my highlight list.
Football games! I love PSU football! Even though we are Divison II school, our games are so much and full of energy. And of course, being in the band means we have the most fun.
This girl right here. She makes my every day better. We visited KC in June, tie-dyed in August, suffered through Parkinson's college algebra class together, and had so much fun all semester. She is my best friend, and I am so glad I can call her "sister".
This girl as well. I couldn't have survived this semester without her and our long walks around campus, searching for the perfectly crunchy leaves. Between our walks and shared love for writing, the MBTI, and music, we get along great.
And this lovely lady. My roomie, twin, and now SAI sister. Two highlights in one in this picture. I moved onto campus this year, and was lucky enough to room with my twin and we've had a blast living together whenever we have time to actually hang out! We also joined Sigma Alpha Iota this semester and I am so honored to be accepted into such an amazing group of young women.
Finally, my quote of the year. 2012 held a lot of ups and downs for me. From fights, break ups, and betrayals to some incredible new friends, a stronger bond with my family, and greater connection with God.
I have many things I am thankful for this year, and I thought I would share my top seven with you.
Sometimes, it helps to make a list longer than what you think you have. Choose a random number and then fill it up, seven seemed like an appropriate number somehow.
God. God is great...all the time! All the time...God is great!
My family. My loud, crazy, exuberant, hilarious, odd, never-ending family.
My best friends. The people who are my "chosen family", who I couldn't live without.
Second chances. I am so grateful for the opportunity to try, try again.
Opportunities. I receive so many of these every day, and they make such a difference.
Music. This is a bigger part of my life than I normally realize, but when I really think about what I am thankful for, it always comes up.
Today. Every day is a gift from God, and I am thankful for every single one.
Happy Thanksgiving, eat some turkey for me, because I won't be eating any.
Also, tomorrow you have my blessing to begin listening to Christmas music.
When I decided I was going to do this whole blog thing, before I even started I made it a personal goal to post every Sunday and Thursday. And already, that isn't happening. I missed on Sunday, but with what I consider to be good reason.
We all have varying levels of priorities. Friends before school; family before friends; maybe even school before both of those. Whatever they may be, we should have our priorities straight in our head, knowing what we value most in each situation.
My top five:
Personal well-being
It looks self-centered when I put this at the top of my list, but I firmly believe that before you can help anyone, you have to help yourself. What good am I to anyone if I'm not happy and healthy?
This also includes my personal spirituality. God before all else, because He is the one thing that is never going to let me down.
My family
this includes my immediate family and a certain level of my extended family
Best friends
These people are almost as good as family and I hope that they know that by now
My education
homework before hanging out, class before personal time, and a constant attempt to do my absolute best
My future
When I'm making a decision, and have already examined it against the other top four priorities, my final thought is if my future self would be proud of me, would I be proud to share my life-adventures with my future family?
With those being stated, Sunday and Monday didn't allow for me to write this post. Personal well-being and family took precedence, which is probably why I'm already recovering from whatever strange bug hit me the last two days.
Vote, don't do drugs, live life on the edge, and if you really want to get crazy, leave me a comment with your top five priorities!
Sometimes, a little spontaneity is just good for us. Just deciding to try something new, or pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. It's decisions like this that have the potential for the best memories and give you a chance to learn an important lesson.
With that being said, my most recent spontaneous action happened last night, All Hallows Eve. I was spending some girl time with my roommate, Sheilah, and our friend Myka. We were being standard girls, helping Myka fix her hair for a Halloween party later while sharing inane, just-for-fun chatter. It was during this that Sheilah confessed that she was really craving Chipotle.
It was a slippery slope from there. We discussed the option of driving to Kansas City, nearly two hours away, for the coveted food. I quickly pointed out that Springfield was only an hour and half away, making it the logical destination if we would actually drive somewhere just for the food.
Tom (Sheilah's boyfriend) entered our room during this conversation and informed the three of us that we were clearly not "real Chipotle fans" because we didn't know they gave out free burritos on Halloween.
We were sold.
Myka offered to drive, I paid for the tin foil needed to obtain the burritos, and we were off. We left Pittsburg around 8:40, and turned onto exit 72 by 10:00, reaching our destination by about 10:15.
Closed.
Disclaimer: We were told by two very credible sources that Chipotle would be open until 11:00 that night.
Sharon and I
The moral of my spontaneous story could be to never trust an 18 year old and 20 year old boy for closing times. Or perhaps you should call ahead before just gallivanting across state lines for a specific restaurant But I prefer to think that everything happens for a reason, even something as small not getting to eat our burritos. The only reasons I've come up with are:
I got to see a close friend, Sharon who lives near by.
I eliminated a "potential partner" from my list of males on the planet. He ordered an orange creamsicle shake.
Other than that, all I can say is, every now and then, we all need to be a little impulsive. Sometimes, it's acceptable to be a little carefree, a little careless, a little spontaneous.
I think the most important thing I have learned in the last year though, is how to laugh at myself. Almost four weeks ago, sitting around a small fire, surround close friends and distance acquaintances, I laughed at myself for a simple, funny mistake about a person's name. And in the midst of my laughter, I marveled at the person I have become. That night, I made new friends, I played yard games and lost miserably without blinking an eye. I mentioned law school rarely, not flaunting my lucky position. 
