A Saturday Afternoon Special, featuring Matt Maher

Homework is done, my guests are napping, house is clean and ready for autumn. What a gorgeous Saturday! The whole apartment is so peaceful that I just had to share, because Saturdays like this seem to becoming more and more rare the older I get. Weekdays are such a madhouse, trying to get everything school-related done at school so that I can come home have three to four hours for myself and Lily, which includes walks, working out, making dinner, keeping up on chores, and any school work that was not finished in the hours of roughly 8:00 to 4:00, which makes weekends so precious, and Saturdays like this so joyful.

I have cooked, cleaned, study, shopped at the farmer's market, organized, and relaxed, all at my own pace and smiling while I did it. My sister, Ginna, teased me several times, calling me an old lady, and I can't help but smile at that. I feel so adult and I love it. It's been an interesting (frustrating) internal struggle these last few weeks, trying to figure out exactly where I am at in regards to new friends, new culture, and what I want for myself.

I love the solitude of living alone. I like that it is my apartment, my messes and my responsibility. And I fully intend to capitalize on this solitude by forming healthy habits before the rest of my life is spent with another person. In an effort to "fit in" at school, I've pushed aside some of those goals a time or two, and it has frustrated me to no end. I've called my  mom too many times expressing my frustration and embarrassment about trying to find what "works for me" in this new environment.

The bar scene is not my thing, I've tried and I do enjoy the occasional house party, but it's not for me, and I'm okay with that. As much as I enjoy lunch's social hour, I would much rather get everything done on campus than lug heavy books home for more work that night. I truly like the people I have met so far, but their ideas of fun and mine are a little different, and I was uncomfortable admitting that. I felt like I had landed in a group that didn't understand my poor extroverted-introvert, who needs time for herself.

And then Thursday morning, a new month began and my morning radio threw this in my face...

This song was joyfully, soulfully sung all summer at camp. And I'm not one to get emotional about a song but this one hit me right in the feels. 

I don't need weekend friends to "party" with,I don't need to constantly feel included, I don't need the temptation that comes from that. I kept finding myself wishing I had considered a different law school or perhaps stayed in Pittsburg with Josh to get my Masters and then come up here with him, but I chose this school at this time for a reason, and even though I don't know what it is exactly, it is there. 

All I need is the Lord, and I need to let my soul and song rise to the Lord even when I don't know what to do with myself. Trust. Probably the one thing I struggle most with in my faith, trusting that it will all work out, trusting that there is purpose and reason behind each step.

So yeah, I'm not drinking beer and playing softball (with a lot of the law students). I'm comfy-cozy in bed, excited to jam to the Plain White T's tonight with my sister, and later, cheer on my camp-son at his soccer games. But I am also just so joyful and blessed to be drinking tea, and feeling content in this moment. Not wishing to be included elsewhere or regretting choices or wanting to make other plans. Joy; Right here, right now.

Happy Saturday humans, make it a joyful one!

Tota tua,

LeAnn

Woman of God

When I was younger, I didn't see it. I was so convinced that I was just like my dad, a loud extrovert, bossy, friendly, fun. It wasn't until late into high school, and early into college that I started to recognize why I would get so touchy with people at social settings- I needed a break from them. I was not the extrovert I had always thought I was, I loved my alone time, and as a friend obsessed with the Meyers-Briggs test pointed out, I would rather read a good book than go to a good party.

Mom and my younger sister, Ginna.

When I was younger, I didn't see it, how alike my mother and I truly are. She is such a strong, opinionated woman in her quiet, respectful ways. She likes to spend time at home, with her family, and her best friend (my dad). She leads a prayerful life behind closed doors, in the innermost room, making sure the left hand does not see what the right is doing.

When I was younger, I didn't see how God-fearing my mother was, how much her Catholic faith meant to her. Church was just another thing on the list of Sunday chores to me, alongside mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, and cleaning my room. But looking back, recalling what she looked like in church, I now realize how much she loved church.

The majority of my preteen and teen years were spent battling it out with mom, I wanted to my own person, and that person did not always agree with the vision she had for her daughter. But piece by piece, as I've grown up away from her, more of those little messages she had given me. She gave me so much to keep in mind as grew, and thankfully, it stuck eventually.

To dress modestly. To say the rosary to help you fall asleep when you can't at night. Church. The power of prayer. To be a servant, rather than just leader. To be giving.

Today is my mom's birthday, and I always struggle with what to say and how to celebrate it. She's a modest woman, one who does not like a lot of attention, or a big fuss over. So I hope that what my family has come up with will fit her tastes this year. Because our family would be nothing without her firm guidance, and love.

I love you Mom.


Totus Tuus,

LeAnn

Introverts and Extroverts

It's an interesting concept, dividing the human race into two distinct groups; extroverts and introverts but its something I find fascinating.

The first thing that needs to cleared up is what exactly an introvert or extrovert is. Introverts are those who feed off their alone time, need time to recharge their batteries on their own. Extroverts on the other hand, find their energy in groups of people. 

So a more earthy example would be a comparison of two people.  My boyfriend, Josh loves to be with his group of friends. He gets excited around the group, and seems energized after leaving the group event. I, however, need a few minutes to breathe after being around the exact same group of people. Read a bit, cuddle my cat, take walk by myself or with someone. I need that quiet bit to relax and let be, and then I'm ready to go again. 

Now wait, what could this possibly do with religion? Or my relationship with God? Or church, or Catholicism or anything else that I normally look for on this blog?

What recharges your soul? Do you need quiet prayer, in the form of meditation or perhaps adoration? Maybe your recharge is found in a more exciting place, like a church camp or rally? Is it that large group of people, all on that same religious page?  What fire fuels your soul, the quiet or the masses?

Whether it's quiet or loud, big or small, or even both, it's important to know what pulls you in closer. The Mass is great, it's full of God and community, and always has something new. But it also contains a lot of the old; there is nothing wrong with tradition but at times we need something different to pull is back into our Lord. 

We are hitting that point in the semester when things get crazy, one of the first things to slip is our prayer life. We lose that "git r done" attitude we started with a month and half ago, and finding motivation can be hard once you're in neck-deep. It helps to know how we tick when trying to find how to help ourselves along. Give it minute, think about what motivates you, and proceed from there. Don't let your prayer life slip just because you are feeling overwhelmed, join a bible study, sign up for adoration or whatever it takes to keep yourself going. 

It's only six weeks in, don't let yourself slip. Keep your prayer life up! 

Totus tuus, 

LeAnn