The Paper Posts

A traditional gift celebrating a fiftieth wedding anniversary is gold, which is why a fiftieth is a called a golden year or golden anniversary. Similarly, the first year of marriage's gift is paper, thus "The Paper Posts" will be very marriage (and God) focused over the next year! 

When I'm feeling frustrated with a particular part of my life that I can't control, such as rental-house-hunting, for example, I like to rearrange my furniture. To date, I have rearranged the bedroom six times since moving into the apartment last August. I haven't messed with the living area though, until last night. Heedless of how Josh may feel about it, I practically turned the apartment on its head and then let him just come home to it. He wasn't a fan.

But instead of nay-saying or asking it to be put back, we worked together to come up with a layout we both liked. And I know that Josh would have probably preferred the apartment the way it was, but he understood that I needed this relatively small change in scenery. Throughout all of it, he was actively asking my opinion on the recliner or the desk, making sure that we achieved everything I had set out to do. That was more touching to me than anything else.

He could have been angry with me for rearranging without his permission. I could have taken it personally that he didn't like what I had spent an hour and half arranging carefully. Jesus reminds us in today's Gospel that whoever is angry with his brother will be liable for judgment.(MT 5:20-26). That we have to make the effort to reconcile with those around us before trying to make peace with God. There are times for righteous anger, but furniture is not one of them. It isn't something that belongs between spouses or between children and their God. As a married couple, a literal reflection of God's love, I feel this overwhelming need to make our fights count. To choose them carefully, with intent, so that the disagreement will better us as a couple, rather than cause us to lash out and stay angry, separating both of us from God.

Tota tua.

A Saturday Afternoon Special, featuring Matt Maher

Homework is done, my guests are napping, house is clean and ready for autumn. What a gorgeous Saturday! The whole apartment is so peaceful that I just had to share, because Saturdays like this seem to becoming more and more rare the older I get. Weekdays are such a madhouse, trying to get everything school-related done at school so that I can come home have three to four hours for myself and Lily, which includes walks, working out, making dinner, keeping up on chores, and any school work that was not finished in the hours of roughly 8:00 to 4:00, which makes weekends so precious, and Saturdays like this so joyful.

I have cooked, cleaned, study, shopped at the farmer's market, organized, and relaxed, all at my own pace and smiling while I did it. My sister, Ginna, teased me several times, calling me an old lady, and I can't help but smile at that. I feel so adult and I love it. It's been an interesting (frustrating) internal struggle these last few weeks, trying to figure out exactly where I am at in regards to new friends, new culture, and what I want for myself.

I love the solitude of living alone. I like that it is my apartment, my messes and my responsibility. And I fully intend to capitalize on this solitude by forming healthy habits before the rest of my life is spent with another person. In an effort to "fit in" at school, I've pushed aside some of those goals a time or two, and it has frustrated me to no end. I've called my  mom too many times expressing my frustration and embarrassment about trying to find what "works for me" in this new environment.

The bar scene is not my thing, I've tried and I do enjoy the occasional house party, but it's not for me, and I'm okay with that. As much as I enjoy lunch's social hour, I would much rather get everything done on campus than lug heavy books home for more work that night. I truly like the people I have met so far, but their ideas of fun and mine are a little different, and I was uncomfortable admitting that. I felt like I had landed in a group that didn't understand my poor extroverted-introvert, who needs time for herself.

And then Thursday morning, a new month began and my morning radio threw this in my face...

This song was joyfully, soulfully sung all summer at camp. And I'm not one to get emotional about a song but this one hit me right in the feels. 

I don't need weekend friends to "party" with,I don't need to constantly feel included, I don't need the temptation that comes from that. I kept finding myself wishing I had considered a different law school or perhaps stayed in Pittsburg with Josh to get my Masters and then come up here with him, but I chose this school at this time for a reason, and even though I don't know what it is exactly, it is there. 

All I need is the Lord, and I need to let my soul and song rise to the Lord even when I don't know what to do with myself. Trust. Probably the one thing I struggle most with in my faith, trusting that it will all work out, trusting that there is purpose and reason behind each step.

So yeah, I'm not drinking beer and playing softball (with a lot of the law students). I'm comfy-cozy in bed, excited to jam to the Plain White T's tonight with my sister, and later, cheer on my camp-son at his soccer games. But I am also just so joyful and blessed to be drinking tea, and feeling content in this moment. Not wishing to be included elsewhere or regretting choices or wanting to make other plans. Joy; Right here, right now.

Happy Saturday humans, make it a joyful one!

Tota tua,

LeAnn