Things I'm bad at as a Catholic adult woman...

• I am terrible about waking up to go to church on Sunday morning. There's a 5 pm service on Sundays I generally attend, but only because I have an alarm set to remind to get ready to go. There's no bounce in my step until I actually get in the church and remember, "oh yeah! I like this place!"

• Evangelizing. I just feel uncomfortable putting my religion out there into someone else's life when they haven't even asked for it. Sure, there's this blog, but people get the option to click on the link or not. At school and in public places, I try not to scream about Jesus, although I'm not opposed to whispering. I realize it's one of things we are called to do, but I'm just not at the point yet where I feel the need to announce to the world, all the time, that they should be like me -  let's go hang out with Jesus 

• Socializing. For starters, I truly dislike large crowds of not-well-known humans. This makes living in KC difficult. It makes attending church functions a nightmare, and is why I haven't officially signed up with a parish yet. Because that means I'm officially a part of this community of believers, and I don't even know their names!? 

• Staying focused on the Mass, during the Mass. I know there is beauty in the Mass because the Mass is repetitive, and I know that part of that is so we can meditate, but I'm positive that it's not so we can meditate on what we're going to be doing next Friday or how our homework is coming along. At camp, it's even worse. I can't sit still, and I'm constantly trying to make sure that the campers and staff are focused and behaving, and there I am, not focused. 

• Bedtime prayers, because honestly, law school makes me want to sleep more than anything else has in my life. Camp taught me the value of sleep, but law school has made me want to sleep. I wen to bed at 6:30 on Monday. 6:30. And then I slept until 6:00 am, uninterrupted. And with all this desire to sleep, I tend to fall asleep before I've even had a chance to tell God thanks for the day or snuggle with the dogs, which means I need to adjust my routine. I just haven't yet, because I keep sleeping...

So, what are you bad at as an adult (confirmed) Catholic or just as a Christian? Same things? Different things? All of the things? 

God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but God does expect us to move forward and try to be better, and we can't do that unless we know what's not working. 

Tota Tua,

LeAnn

We are Seen

As I update my resume after one semester of law school, I pause and debate what should or should not be added. I did pass all of my classes, and although I am not a Dean's List student (3.0 or higher), I did not do poorly. But my past academic experiences weigh on me, saying that this GPA is no good, and that I should have worked harder, should have done better. The overall resume looks sparse, I have little legal experience; I keep reminding myself that I am only a 1L and this is normal, but again, it weighs on me. I feel like I've let myself, and more importantly, God down by not taking more initiative to gain experience and earn better grades.

But this morning I was reminded that God does not see us through human eyes.

And I was reminded that God really does not give a damn about resume or my cover letter. If I have been called to serve God and God's children through this, and if I put my trust in god, it will happen. That's not to say that I won't have to work, because I will, but God's got my back so to speak, and God is not judging me for such trivial human things. That ultimate goal, that truly big picture, is that whatever we do, we shall serve the Lord.

So stop berating yourself because your grades aren't quite what you wanted, your worth is not based on your As.
Stop kicking yourself because you didn't get the internship you wanted, keep trying, you'll eventually end up where you belong because tenacity truly pays off.
Don't become angry because the first job you apply for doesn't hire you, keep looking.

Ultimately, remember that your worth and value is not determined by how humanity perceives you, but how you make yourself available to God, the Son, and the Spirit. With that being said, as social creatures we crave human approval, we crave success, and we desire to be valued. And you can do all of those things, but along the way, do not forget that God is with you, loves you, and will continue to love you in a way no human can.

Tota tua,

LeAnn